This is may be absolutely useless to everyone else, but for us this is a good map of who we have been and want to be. When I say "I" I am also meaning "and who ever I was at that time." For some reason at the age of 12 roughly, I decided to explore religions to see which fit my view. Before this I was raised in an atheist, pretty anti-theist household where I was told that religious people are literally less worthy of life than those who are strictly atheist. While my mum told me all this she had tarot and oracle cards in the house, she told me about the time she did witchcraft with my aunt and how she would call on Archangel Michael when she felt an unwanted spirit in the house. One of my most vivid memories is me as a child outside looking at a stone eagle garden statue, I had thought to myself (context lost) "if I were to worship anyone, it would be Zeus, Bastet and Anubis" which I felt comfortable expressing to myself and myself alone.
My first look into religion was Christianity but admittedly very superficial. I felt nothing for the concept of the Trinity but I did feel a safety and security within Mother Mary. I would pray to God in a purely Christian way when I was terrified; as much as I prayed and wanted to feel some security, I didn't and the open mocking my Mum gave me for it stopped me very quickly. My second run into a religion was Atheistic Satanism funny enough. I bought the LaVeyan Satanic Bible at a local bookstore and would spend the next few days reading it and thinking about it. For roughly three months I was known in my friend group as "the satanist" and one friend at the time even asked me if she could tell her God-fearing nan that she was friends with a satanist. It was this friend that actually lead me to my longest religious identity, Hellenic Polytheism. My friend told me she worshipped the Greek Gods, I instantly thought "oh, you can do that?" and asked about Zeus. Being a young teenager with bad parental relationships I antagonised Zeus until I saw more and more Hellenic Polytheists call him "Pater" which translates to "Father". I used theoi.com and other Hellenic Polytheists online to learn about the gods and the religious ethics, the prevailing ones being Kharis and Xenia to me. I started worshipping a trio I dubbed "The Boys" consisting of Apollon, Dionysos and Hermes; these gods still hold a special place in my worldview even outside of religion (society vs wilderness vs transitions). I ended up focusing all my worship on Ares and Artemis until last year where I stopped active worship of anyone and focused on the philosophy of Advaita Vedanta. While I was worshipping the Greek gods Sekhmet appeared to me in a dream. A proud lioness watching me from my backyard while I desperately tried to ignore her, knowing she was Sekhmet. Before the dream ended she pounced on me and said "I am Sekhmet and you cannot ignore me anymore. I am here now." Growing up I would have dreams of a lioness in my backyard watching me. When I woke up I made an offering to her and started my worship of her and her family, Ptah and Nefertum. Later Sekhmet and Sobek became my main Kemetic Gods, the beasts of Land and Water, She Whose Breath Created the Desert and He Who Copulates As He Eats took over my life and theology (decay vs fertility). Eventually Aset came to my life and took the reigns, I had no choice in this. My life started picking up as I worshipped Her. She pushed me to join Kemetic Orthodoxy where I was divined a Child of Aset-Serket and Beloved of Geb, Sobek-Re and Set. Through my last 4 years of practising religion I have also been deeply interested in Hinduism. Learning from the local community as well as the online ones. I started with a love for Vishnu and Vishnu alone and then expanded out to Saraswati Ma and Kali Ma. On-and-off I have identified in some way as Hindu or Hindu-adjacent. I now identify as a Shakta and hold Chinnamasta Ma as my ishta devi and also view Maha Saraswati Ma as a faovured form of Brahman. I follow Advaita Vedanta and try to upkeep ahimsa the best I can. tldr; I have upheld self-preservation, explored the dynamics between civil society, wilderness and the transitions we take in life, I have explored what decay and fertility means to me and my relationship with both, now also exploring what self-sacrifice looks like and admiring the beauty of human creation and the world.
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